Being Grateful

I want to begin this blog by stating that in many ways I am writing this largely for myself, but decided to take the chance of letting others read it despite the embarrassment involved and the hell I'm likely to catch for some of it's admitted sappiness.  Over the past 3 1/2 - 4 years I have been trying desperately to transform myself in every way possible in order to become the best version of myself. In many ways I have far exceeded any expectations I began with, while in other areas I continue to deal with my fair share of struggles and personal demons. If we are all honest with ourselves I think that a lot of people experience something similar to what I just described with varying results, successes and failures, and ups and downs. I think that what means the most however is that we each never give up on the process of trying to be the best person we can be. One area of my life I feel I have become much more successful at is being positive and thinking positive. While those of you that know me well and are reading this are probably laughing your ass off right now please allow me the chance to elaborate. For years I disguised, and not very well, my negative thoughts and cynicism with the phrase, "I'm not negative, I'm just being realistic". In fact, the only thing I was being realistic about was that I was only fooling myself.  I have put in a lot of work over the past 2 months really getting myself in tune with positive thoughts, looking at the good side of things, and enjoying the journey of life...simply life itself.

One of the things that really helped me flip the script was to take stock of where my life is at this moment and to physically write down all the things, experiences, and people I have in my life for which I am so very, very, grateful.  The idea being of course that the more one focuses his or her energy on all the positive things in their lives the more those positive things will replicate and continue within your life. You must understand that negativity and negative thinking only have the power in your life that you allow it to have. I'm no self help guru, but I know from personal experience that there is nothing truer than the two previous sentences. Below I have included some of those things, experiences, and people in my life for which I am so very appreciative. After reading my list I strongly encourage you to write your own. Despite the perceived 'hokeyness' of doing the activity, I think you'll amaze yourself with how it changes your perceptions. After all, reality is perception.

Things I'm thankful for:
My good health
My wonderful, and sometimes highly annoying, pets: Lu Lu, Callie, & Big Tuna.
My job(s).
My education.
My ability to make others laugh...it has come in handy during the best & worst of times.
My work ethic.
My honesty and loyalty to others(not sure I've always been as honest with myself as I should have been)
That I'm right handed.
That I'm tall..ish.
That I'm fairly well proportioned...meaning most people never believe how much I really weigh. :)
How I handle adversity.
...you get the idea of how this should go.

Experiences I'm thankful for:
My terrible childhood, because I wouldn't be who I am today without having gone through hell.
All the incredibly stupid decisions I have made in life for the same reason as above.
That I was able to attend my grandfather's funeral.
That I was able to see and speak with my Grandmother shortly before she passed.
That they were both able to see that I had turned my life around, was making something out of myself, and would have a good life.
Making my grandparents laugh.
My dad for taking/getting custody of me and my sister when we were young. It was bad, but could have been much worse.
My mom never wanting anything to do with me. It taught me early in life that I am how I perceive myself, and not how others perceive me.
Growing up poor, because it taught me to never take anything for granted. It also taught me early in life the senseless value that many people place on money.
Hanging out with my nephews any chance I get.
Every time I get to play basketball
That on one wonderful day at old Fort Pulaski an alligator was chilling by the moat.
...again you get the idea of how this should go.

People I'm thankful for:
My grandfather. Without his presence and support while growing up neither me or my sister would have survived intact.
My grandmother. I'm so much like her in so many ways that it's frightening.

All the really good friends I've had throughout my life. In more ways than one my friends were essentially my family growing up. All have helped me become the person I am today. I'll list a few and if you're not on the list it does not mean that you were any less important to me...I simply can't write all day.
Taco...yes we called him Taco. My very best bud growing up in Savannah, GA. Taco was a black kid. I was a white kid. It made no difference to us, because we instantly hit it off and were inseparable next door neighbors for the better part of 5 years. He taught me more about humor and race relations than anyone I've ever met since.
Fuzz...yes we call him Fuzz. We've known each other for over 25 years now, and long ago I quit referring to him as a friend. He is my brother.
Temple...yes his name was Temple. I write was because he unfortunately passed away in 1998. He was simply an awesome guy, great to hang out with, and had such a unique way about him that you couldn't help but to love him. I'll be forever grateful to Temple. His terribly sad and unexpected passing is the main reason I am here today as his passing led me to make decisions in life I would not have had the courage to make before he passed.
My father...for showing me all the ways not to be in life.
My mother...for continually avoiding contact with me. It made me tougher.
My sister. Without her around when I growing up I would have had no reason to try to keep it together. The responsibility to raise and take care of her outweighed my own concerns.
My nephews. They are both a lot like me which of course means they're awesome. I'm so thankful that they have gotten so many opportunities in life that I was never able to have and I'm incredibly proud of both of them.
My in-laws. Almost since day one they have accepted me as their own...well maybe not day one. The first time I met my father-in-law I was wearing 2 silver hoop earrings, and I don't think that went over well. All jokes aside they have been above and beyond anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. They showed me what it means to be in a family and part of a family. I hope they realize and understand the tremendous impact they have had in my life. I know I don't really do a good job of showing it. (I'll add that to my list of things to work on)

It seems like I'm forgetting someone...ah yes...the wifey. I intentionally saved this one for last because I'm not quite sure where to begin or end, so I'll just start and see what happens. Not really sure if anyone on planet earth could have ever imagined that we would have matched up at the times in our lives when we did, but I'm glad we did. Everything good and positive about my life over the past 12 years has been a direct result of her. Forgive the horrible cliche, but she has made me a much better man than I could have ever believed possible. I like to believe I helped her to achieve great things as well. I'm also grateful for her because where I am weak she is strong and vice versa. She continually pushes me to go further when I would have been content staying put which always works out for the best. She has provided the inspiration and courage to do things in my life that I would never have attempted were it not for her...I could go on and on, but I want to go ahead and stop before some of you actually throw up on your computers.

At any rate, if you find the time to sit down and compile a list such as the one I just did I can once again assure you that you'll not soon regret it. All the best and stay positive!

The Magic Words

I once had several interesting discussions with a wise man some years ago...and I wasn't talking to myself.  We discussed many topics during our conversations such as family drama, growing up, important decisions we all face in life, regrets...etc.  Of all the things we talked about one topic, and one thing this man said to me, has really helped me enjoy aspects of my life that I had not previously.  I would like to share parts of our conversation and the three key words he said to me that changed my life for the positive. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

At some point in our many conversations we began discussing aspects of my personality, specifically things I previously referred to as pet peeves.  The man I was speaking with called them quality of life destroyers! There is a huge difference in those two statements, so allow me to explain his reasoning.  For as long as I can remember I've hated certain types of change. I intend to devote an upcoming blog on my life's struggle with dealing with change and what I feel is its origins, but for now just know that there was and continues to be some forms of change I'm simply not comfortable with.  I feel I do my best and am most content when I have structured routines and habits.  Things that disrupt my habits and daily routines used to really annoy me.  Though I'm far from cured thanks to the 3 magic words I promised to share with you I have learned to deal much better with not only change, but life in general.

I hope at this point you just asked yourself, "So what are the 3 magic words!?". I can't reveal them yet, but rest assured they are not far away.  For now here's 2 words for you, "keep reading".  When asked for an example of how and/or why change bothers me I brought up the issue of travel.  I love visiting new places, trying new foods, and learning about various cultures, but with that said I must also confess that before hearing and absorbing the 3 magic words I absolutely hated, dreaded, despised, and loathed the actual process of travel itself.  From long drives in the car, waiting in never ending lines, traffic, packing and unpacking, and any of the other multitude of obstacles that come with flying.  After hearing this the man replied, "How can you say you love travel when you hate doing all the things you just mentioned?". My reply was "Well...once I get there I'm great. I just hate getting there".  Just as I rewrote those words I realize what a complete idiot I must have sounded like.  I realize now that what I really disliked was how the act of traveling disrupted the habits and routines that I thrive in.  Once at the destination I could unpack and fall back into my habits and routines.

The remainder of this post is a paraphrase of what he then said to me along with the 3 magic words.  We each only get one shot at life. One of the very few things we actually have control over throughout our life times are the choices we each make. Our lives are made up of choices. We can choose to be miserable or happy. We can choose to be mean or nice. We can choose to turn left or right. You get the picture. The point is the one life that we're each given goes by so very fast, and so many of us choose to look at the negative instead of the positive. I used to look at nothing but the negative aspects of traveling, just as many of you out there may only look at the negatives of something in your own life.  Instead of always thinking about the negative try this...choose to just... "enjoy the journey."

Where's my $700,000?

Less than a couple of months ago much of the United States and the world was outraged that a 68 year old volunteer bus monitor was verbally abused and ridiculed by a group of seventh grade students.  While it is certainly a deplorable act committed by these students the aftermath of the event and overwhelming response of the public made me question some things.  For those not familiar with the story the verbal abuse suffered by the bus monitor at the hands of the seventh grade students made national and world news when cell phone recorded video of the incident became public.  The bus monitor was then flocked with an outpouring of condolences, well wishes, and...a LOT OF MONEY from people all over the country and the world.  How much money? According to news reports I read just this morning she has now raked in $703,873 and that figure continues to grow.  More power to the bus monitor, but the questions the event left me to ponder are...

Why was the general public so shocked and disturbed that this occurred?

For those of you not familiar with what occurs daily in our schools here's a newsflash: 

TEACHERS, CUSTODIANS, ADMINISTRATION, CAFETERIA STAFF, COACHES, AND SOME STUDENTS ARE VERBALLY ABUSED AND RIDICULED BY OTHER STUDENTS NEARLY EVERYDAY!!

The days when all students, particularly at the middle school level and beyond, were respectful to adults simply because they're adults has long passed. It may be time for the general public to get a clue. 

As a middle school teacher I have been cussed at and cussed out. I have been made fun of by students, and I have even come darn close to being hit by a student. My situation is not unique by any stretch of the imagination as the vast majority of my co-workers have all experienced similar happenings. It is precisely for these reasons that I am having such a difficult time understanding what the public really thinks happens in schools. Are they (the public) so disillusioned that they believe the event with the bus monitor is an isolated incident? If so, then God help us all, because we are in serious trouble!! 

My take...I think deep down in their hearts the general public knows full well what is occurring in our schools, but they have previously felt helpless to try to change things. Just as teachers have no real power in the classroom due to the far reaches of political correctness and a plethora of frivolous lawsuits brought against school boards across the country everyone has become paralyzed by fear. It is in that very fear that the student's power to say, do, and get away with any and everything at school flourishes. The students fully understand there is nothing we (the teachers) can really do to punish them, so we have essentially created an 'inmates run the institution' situation in public schools across America. I believe the public's outpouring of support for the bus monitor was born partly out of compassion for what happened and partly out of guilt. The public knew that by supporting the bus monitor they could rid themselves of some of the guilt they must surely feel for the plight of powerless teachers across the nation.

Why the outrage for this particular event?  

Obviously it was because this incident was videotaped and played repeatedly across the world. Since this happened I have many times wished that I had videotaped evidences of the many verbal assaults I have been the victim of. I could certainly use hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Can the general public possibly be so naive about what occurs in schools across this country day in and day out? 

Yes. Yes they can!

Lastly, where is my outpouring of public support and financial compensation for the emotional and psychological suffering that I and so many other teachers like me have to deal with each and every day?

I guess that's for me to continue to ponder and the public and government to one day answer.

Signs You're Going to Have a Long School Year

Now that I have more than several years of teaching experience under my belt, I have figured out along the way some sure fire signs that all teachers can look for...signs that they are going to have a very long year.  The vast majority of signs rear their ominous heads during the last couple days of August right before the school year is set to begin anew once again.  If you happen to be unfortunate enough to have at least three of the following things occur during that time you will very likely have to tap into every ounce of stored optimism you have in order to survive the nine months that follow.  If everything on the following list actually happens to you prior to the start of school...May. God. Have. Mercy. On. Your. Soul!

Signs You Are Going to Have a Long Year:

1) You get your class roster & whenever you see the student's teachers from the year before they do one
     of 3 things... avoid direct eye contact with you, point at you and laugh hysterically, or help you find a
     nice quiet place to cry.
2) You pull your student's cum folders and they are all 4 to 5 inches thick.
3) You have multiple students on probation.
4) No students or their parents make an appearance during open house.
5) If you do have students and parents show up to open house and the first thing the parent does is
    whisper something like the following to you "Well look, let me tell you about Johnny".
6) The parents show up to open house wearing a muu-muu and house slippers...typically their hair will
     appear to have been in a fight with a stick of dynamite and loss.
7) You ask a student a simple question at open house such as "What's your name?" and they respond,
     while staring awkwardly at a spot on the wall "Huh?"
8) When the parent is filling out their contact information at open house their email is something
     like...lilboomboombooty@  or makinitclap@  or  ihatemychildsteacheralready@...
9) The parents look at your 'needed materials' list which consists of a composition book and a pencil as
     if they are going to have to take out a second mortgage on their home in order to buy them.
10) The principal comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
11) The school resource officer comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
12) Your new student's various probation officers come to talk to you about your upcoming class
       dynamics.

13) The school secretary calls you to the front office to let you know how many sick days you have
       available in the coming year, and gives you the list of subs that will refuse to cover for the group of
       students you're about to get.
14) You recieve a multitude of sympathy cards in your box prior to the start of the year.

Anyway, I hope by now you get the picture and know what to look for as we quickly approach the start of another new school year.  I hope you enjoyed!!