I recently read a blurb on one of the few education blogs I sometimes follow that read, "those students that act out the most in class are often the ones in most need of your (the teachers) attention". I immediately laughed aloud thinking there must be an epidemic of students across Eastern North Carolina, and probably the United States, in dire need of attention that they are not receiving from the traditional places like parents, friends, coaches, and religious and community leaders...etc. I am not so naive as to realize that there are indeed some students that have miserable home lives, little or no friends, and almost no support whatsoever from outside sources. However, I think the actual number of those students are far less than many in the popular media would have us believe.
In my opinion there are many factors that have contributed to the increase of students acting out in class, but getting attention from the teacher ranks near the bottom of that list. What ranks near the top of that list is the lack of discipline in the home, and the fact that as educators our hands are essentially tied in terms of discipline. Many parents have become unwilling or unable to discipline their children in the home. I can think of several students that I teach this year that have been written up several times for various disciplinary infractions and are failing one or multiple subjects, and yet they return from the Holiday break with the latest iphones and $200 shoes. What exactly is the message being sent to the students? Another lovely example of the downfall of parental discipline that has occurred over the years is when I call or email a parent about their child's misbehavior or "acting out", and the response I frequently get is, "Well what did you do to make him or her do that?". Uhhhhh....what!???? Had I done 1/10th of what students get away with today my dad would have beaten me until he got tired, and then I would have been grounded until solid proof was provided to him that both my grades and behavior had improved.
Many parents are simply not disciplining their children, and to often make matters worse those same parents frequently reward their children for doing things they're suppose to do. The system has been flipped upside. The students are at this point, and have been for quite awhile, very aware of the fact that their parents are not going to discipline them and that teachers have been reduced to glorified, robotic, babysitters that must adhere to the nonsense of the new Common Core Standards. The only attention I think some students need is a well placed series of powerful throat punches, but I'll save the remainder of my tirade for another blog. Dinner's ready! Have an excellent week!
-Sty
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
2013...the year that was
2013 was quite a year full of many personal and professional ups and downs. Like most previous years there were wonderful moments of overwhelming joy, a few gut wrenching moments of total sadness, and a whole lot of every other emotion thrown into this mix we call life. It was not until I sat down to write this, and reflect on the year that was that I realized I had not posted anything here since last February. This is funny because one of my resolutions for 2013 was to write and post a blog at least once or twice a month....so that didn't exactly work out. A major reason for this resolution not panning out the way I intended is because I fell in love with another outlet to help relieve my stresses. The outlet = running. I'll begin looking back at the year that was by starting with my personal life, and what better way to begin than to talking about running.
2013 Personal Reflection -
Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me through middle and high school, and over the past 14 years or so know that working out (lifting weights, running, playing basketball) are all things I love doing. For awhile life got in the way and my workouts were not keeping up with my eating, and I ballooned to a lovely 276 lbs. As my doctor once affectionately told me, "You look like a pile of mashed potatoes with a peanut (my head) sitting on top of it." or as one of my 8th grade students once said after seeing a picture of me beside pictures of his other teachers, "Mr. Styron, how come you got the biggest body, but the smallest head?". Go ahead...laugh it up! Anyway, roughly 2 years ago I decided to recommit myself to working out and running. It became and has remained an obsession. It is a permanent part of my days, weeks, and life. In fact, I often over train because I become incredibly uncomfortable taking a day off even though the sane part of my brain knows it is necessary. Not to brag, but I dropped to a lovely 226 lbs. and actually changed the formation of my entire body thanks to doing a ton of muscle confusion workouts via crossfit, completely changing how I lift weights, and last but not least got serious about my running. Now the comments I get from my doctor and students are more along the lines of, "You really don't need to lose anymore weight" or "Why is your head so big?".
Near the end of 2012 is when I had really upped my running game, and I began to realize I missed the competitiveness of sports that I used to get playing basketball. One of my resolutions for 2013 was to run and compete in at least four 5K races. I ended up racing in 8 or 9. Running is awesome. Running is painfully beautiful, and it is often the best part of my day. One of my resolutions for 2014 will be to try out some 10K's and continue to improve.
Aside from those changes, which I mentioned first, because so much about me getting in better shape physically has led to me being in better shape in other aspects of my life...particularly mentally and emotionally. Some of the more memorable 'good' moments of 2013 include buying and settling into a house that is beyond what I could have ever imagined possible when I was growing up, and reuniting with a long lost stepsister from my dad's second marriage. From the age of 5 to the time I was nearly 11 my stepsister and I were incredibly close. That time of my life was as close as I would ever get to knowing what a 'real family' was supposed to be. I had thought of her many times over the years wondering what ever happened to her, her other sister, and their mom. Did she (or they) ever wonder what happened to my sister and I after we were literally moved overnight from Georgia to North Carolina? What had happened in their lives over the years? Unbelievably, I was able to get the answers to some of these questions and more this past summer when we were reunited after 26 years apart thanks to Facebook. We're slowly trying to rebuild or build a new relationship.
Some of the 'bad' moments of 2013 were the deaths of our 2 cats, Callie and Tuna. Callie had been in our lives since before my wife and I were married, and Big Tuna had been with us for 8 years or so. Both of their deaths were surprisingly difficult to deal with, but paled in comparison to the death of my beloved Lu Lu. Our Boston Terrier, and my dream dog, that was given to me as a 6 week old puppy during Christmas of 2000. She passed away in late June of this year, and I'll freely admit it destroyed me to the core. She was the best. There were of course many other events that occurred in 2013 on a personal level that were good, bad, and everything in between, but those are for other posts.
2013 Professional Reflection -
Professionally 2013 has been good. I'm still doing what I feel like I was born to do which of course is teaching. I've taken on more responsibilities at the middle school where I teach, and I'm trying like hell to adjust to the major changes that continue to disrupt and alter public education in North Carolina. My other job at the community college teaching 'adults' has been an interesting experience to say the least, but I enjoy it for the most part. With all that said there have definitely been times throughout 2013 in which I felt that I wasn't fully using what I consider my strengths as a teacher. At times I have felt that I was not reaching my potential as an educator, that I could and should be doing more as an educator, and trying to decide if what I can and want to do can even occur in a public school in North Carolina with all the changes that have been made. Time will tell.
Once again I'm resolving to get this blog back to it's former glory by writing and posting more about my life as a teacher and life in general. Please become a follower if you are not already, and look forward to as many laughs as I can provide for you in the future. All the best that life has to offer to you and yours in 2014.
-Sty
2013 Personal Reflection -
Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me through middle and high school, and over the past 14 years or so know that working out (lifting weights, running, playing basketball) are all things I love doing. For awhile life got in the way and my workouts were not keeping up with my eating, and I ballooned to a lovely 276 lbs. As my doctor once affectionately told me, "You look like a pile of mashed potatoes with a peanut (my head) sitting on top of it." or as one of my 8th grade students once said after seeing a picture of me beside pictures of his other teachers, "Mr. Styron, how come you got the biggest body, but the smallest head?". Go ahead...laugh it up! Anyway, roughly 2 years ago I decided to recommit myself to working out and running. It became and has remained an obsession. It is a permanent part of my days, weeks, and life. In fact, I often over train because I become incredibly uncomfortable taking a day off even though the sane part of my brain knows it is necessary. Not to brag, but I dropped to a lovely 226 lbs. and actually changed the formation of my entire body thanks to doing a ton of muscle confusion workouts via crossfit, completely changing how I lift weights, and last but not least got serious about my running. Now the comments I get from my doctor and students are more along the lines of, "You really don't need to lose anymore weight" or "Why is your head so big?".
Near the end of 2012 is when I had really upped my running game, and I began to realize I missed the competitiveness of sports that I used to get playing basketball. One of my resolutions for 2013 was to run and compete in at least four 5K races. I ended up racing in 8 or 9. Running is awesome. Running is painfully beautiful, and it is often the best part of my day. One of my resolutions for 2014 will be to try out some 10K's and continue to improve.
Aside from those changes, which I mentioned first, because so much about me getting in better shape physically has led to me being in better shape in other aspects of my life...particularly mentally and emotionally. Some of the more memorable 'good' moments of 2013 include buying and settling into a house that is beyond what I could have ever imagined possible when I was growing up, and reuniting with a long lost stepsister from my dad's second marriage. From the age of 5 to the time I was nearly 11 my stepsister and I were incredibly close. That time of my life was as close as I would ever get to knowing what a 'real family' was supposed to be. I had thought of her many times over the years wondering what ever happened to her, her other sister, and their mom. Did she (or they) ever wonder what happened to my sister and I after we were literally moved overnight from Georgia to North Carolina? What had happened in their lives over the years? Unbelievably, I was able to get the answers to some of these questions and more this past summer when we were reunited after 26 years apart thanks to Facebook. We're slowly trying to rebuild or build a new relationship.
Some of the 'bad' moments of 2013 were the deaths of our 2 cats, Callie and Tuna. Callie had been in our lives since before my wife and I were married, and Big Tuna had been with us for 8 years or so. Both of their deaths were surprisingly difficult to deal with, but paled in comparison to the death of my beloved Lu Lu. Our Boston Terrier, and my dream dog, that was given to me as a 6 week old puppy during Christmas of 2000. She passed away in late June of this year, and I'll freely admit it destroyed me to the core. She was the best. There were of course many other events that occurred in 2013 on a personal level that were good, bad, and everything in between, but those are for other posts.
2013 Professional Reflection -
Professionally 2013 has been good. I'm still doing what I feel like I was born to do which of course is teaching. I've taken on more responsibilities at the middle school where I teach, and I'm trying like hell to adjust to the major changes that continue to disrupt and alter public education in North Carolina. My other job at the community college teaching 'adults' has been an interesting experience to say the least, but I enjoy it for the most part. With all that said there have definitely been times throughout 2013 in which I felt that I wasn't fully using what I consider my strengths as a teacher. At times I have felt that I was not reaching my potential as an educator, that I could and should be doing more as an educator, and trying to decide if what I can and want to do can even occur in a public school in North Carolina with all the changes that have been made. Time will tell.
Once again I'm resolving to get this blog back to it's former glory by writing and posting more about my life as a teacher and life in general. Please become a follower if you are not already, and look forward to as many laughs as I can provide for you in the future. All the best that life has to offer to you and yours in 2014.
-Sty
Monday, February 25, 2013
Why teach?
"Why am I even here?" It is a question I have been asking myself a lot more often than I would like to admit this school year, but after a few deep breaths I always remember. It is the thoughts that go through my head at the times I find myself questioning what I really consider to be my calling in life that is the purpose of this blog. If you are currently a teacher I hope that some of the things I share with you in this blog will help you the next time you are feeling overrun and under appreciated which unfortunately seems to be occurring more and more.
As anyone who has spent any significant amount of time in a classroom teaching can attest, it is truely one of the most difficult, challenging, stressful, demanding, and time consuming occupations one can have. In fact, one of the major reasons I've been unable to write since August is because I simply have not found the time to do so. So bothersome was this to me that one of my many New Year's resolutions was to write and post at least 2 blogs a month. Well...I completely bypassed the month of January and February is nearly over, but better late than never. Hopefully, I will make myself stay on track now that I've begun. Another thing people who have taught in the public school system will verify is the fact that the meager monetary compensation forces many to either work multiple jobs or leave the profession altogether. So again I pose the question, "Why teach?"
As teachers we are among the most educated people in society, but also among the lowest paid and most under appreciated. We are constantly belittled and put down by many in society at large. We are disrespected consistently by students, parents, and members of the media. We are tremendously overworked and underpaid. I have a Master's Degree from one of the finest teaching universities in America and I am in my sixth year of teaching still making a first year teacher salary. I have had either a part-time job or been lucky enough to pick up contracted jobs doing odds and ends to help supplement my pitiful income, so that has helped. The problem is that I don't think I, or any teacher for that matter, should have to do anything other than teach. So once again I ask the question, "Why teach?"
I have several responses to this question. The following are the things I remind myself of during those stressful moments when I find myself wanting to either run full speed into rush hour traffic wearing a blindfold, or throw some students off the tallest building around. I hope they help you.
1) Arrogant or Delusional? -
I am quite simply arrogant enough to believe that I can actually fix all the many things wrong in and about my students while also providing them with the educational foundation they each need to succeed at the next level. Some consider this way of thinking as more delusional than arrogant, but I think that anyone who chooses, and truly loves teaching, has to have some sort of 'Save the World' mentality in order to be successful.
2) If not me...then who? -
There comes a point in which the metaphorical buck can only be passed so far before someone makes a stand. As educators I think one of the many responsibilities we accept is that the buck must stop with us. Obviously society, many parents, and many aspects of modern pop culture are failing our children, so it is placed upon our (teachers) shoulders to right all the wrongs. Teachers are constantly on the front lines in a never ending battle to save our students from the damage caused by their far too often horrible home lives, a pop culture that continually glorifies that which should not see the light of day, and a society that I feel not only promotes, but encourages a sense of entitlement in so many of our students. Students constantly want to be praised for doing the things they are suppose to do...
"Mr. Styron, I did my homework!!" says little Johnny, who then stares blankly at me with a confused grin on his face as if I should notify the press and throw him a parade.
"Mr. Styron, if I behave today what do I get?!!"...how about if you behave I will not feel the need to repeatedly punch you in the throat?
The point is that if no one else is going to help our students realize how backward their thinking has become we are essentially doomed as a society. This is another reason I choose to teach.
3) I'm meant to do this.
Ever since the lottery became legal in the state of North Carolina I've frequently been asked what I would do if I ever won. Well, I'd do a lot...but that's for another blog. What I tell people always garners me stranger than normal looks, because I tell them I would continue to teach. Perhaps not in the public school system, but I would definitely find somewhere to teach. I have to do it. I love it. It is like breathing. Are there bad days? Absolutely! In fact, the bad days are terrible, but there are also many good days. Just like the bad days are terrible, the good days are unbelievably awesome!! The key is to have more good days than bad, and typically it works out that way.
4) We are getting through to our kids.
As educators we often become so bogged down in the mountains of paperwork and seemingly endless, neverending, and mostly pointless meetings that we lose sight of why we began teaching in the first place. It was to make a positive difference in the lives of our students. As I noted earlier the hours and salary certainly aren't a draw. This fact was driven home to me just today in a wonderful handwritten note I received from a student. For the past 8 years my wife and I have coached the track and field division (ages 21 and up) of the Pitt County Special Olympics, and for four of those years I have been taking students with me each Saturday to experience the joy it brings me. A student I took this past Saturday wrote the following things:
"Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to help volunteer at the Special Olympics. It was extremely fun."
"It didn't just make my day, it made my life."
"I really do think you inspire your students..."
"You really look out for your students..."
"You are the reason I want to teach...I want to make an impact on my students, and make them enjoy school. You have done that for me."
It is these types of things that keep us all coming back for more. As the old saying goes, "Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
As anyone who has spent any significant amount of time in a classroom teaching can attest, it is truely one of the most difficult, challenging, stressful, demanding, and time consuming occupations one can have. In fact, one of the major reasons I've been unable to write since August is because I simply have not found the time to do so. So bothersome was this to me that one of my many New Year's resolutions was to write and post at least 2 blogs a month. Well...I completely bypassed the month of January and February is nearly over, but better late than never. Hopefully, I will make myself stay on track now that I've begun. Another thing people who have taught in the public school system will verify is the fact that the meager monetary compensation forces many to either work multiple jobs or leave the profession altogether. So again I pose the question, "Why teach?"
As teachers we are among the most educated people in society, but also among the lowest paid and most under appreciated. We are constantly belittled and put down by many in society at large. We are disrespected consistently by students, parents, and members of the media. We are tremendously overworked and underpaid. I have a Master's Degree from one of the finest teaching universities in America and I am in my sixth year of teaching still making a first year teacher salary. I have had either a part-time job or been lucky enough to pick up contracted jobs doing odds and ends to help supplement my pitiful income, so that has helped. The problem is that I don't think I, or any teacher for that matter, should have to do anything other than teach. So once again I ask the question, "Why teach?"
I have several responses to this question. The following are the things I remind myself of during those stressful moments when I find myself wanting to either run full speed into rush hour traffic wearing a blindfold, or throw some students off the tallest building around. I hope they help you.
1) Arrogant or Delusional? -
I am quite simply arrogant enough to believe that I can actually fix all the many things wrong in and about my students while also providing them with the educational foundation they each need to succeed at the next level. Some consider this way of thinking as more delusional than arrogant, but I think that anyone who chooses, and truly loves teaching, has to have some sort of 'Save the World' mentality in order to be successful.
2) If not me...then who? -
There comes a point in which the metaphorical buck can only be passed so far before someone makes a stand. As educators I think one of the many responsibilities we accept is that the buck must stop with us. Obviously society, many parents, and many aspects of modern pop culture are failing our children, so it is placed upon our (teachers) shoulders to right all the wrongs. Teachers are constantly on the front lines in a never ending battle to save our students from the damage caused by their far too often horrible home lives, a pop culture that continually glorifies that which should not see the light of day, and a society that I feel not only promotes, but encourages a sense of entitlement in so many of our students. Students constantly want to be praised for doing the things they are suppose to do...
"Mr. Styron, I did my homework!!" says little Johnny, who then stares blankly at me with a confused grin on his face as if I should notify the press and throw him a parade.
"Mr. Styron, if I behave today what do I get?!!"...how about if you behave I will not feel the need to repeatedly punch you in the throat?
The point is that if no one else is going to help our students realize how backward their thinking has become we are essentially doomed as a society. This is another reason I choose to teach.
3) I'm meant to do this.
Ever since the lottery became legal in the state of North Carolina I've frequently been asked what I would do if I ever won. Well, I'd do a lot...but that's for another blog. What I tell people always garners me stranger than normal looks, because I tell them I would continue to teach. Perhaps not in the public school system, but I would definitely find somewhere to teach. I have to do it. I love it. It is like breathing. Are there bad days? Absolutely! In fact, the bad days are terrible, but there are also many good days. Just like the bad days are terrible, the good days are unbelievably awesome!! The key is to have more good days than bad, and typically it works out that way.
4) We are getting through to our kids.
As educators we often become so bogged down in the mountains of paperwork and seemingly endless, neverending, and mostly pointless meetings that we lose sight of why we began teaching in the first place. It was to make a positive difference in the lives of our students. As I noted earlier the hours and salary certainly aren't a draw. This fact was driven home to me just today in a wonderful handwritten note I received from a student. For the past 8 years my wife and I have coached the track and field division (ages 21 and up) of the Pitt County Special Olympics, and for four of those years I have been taking students with me each Saturday to experience the joy it brings me. A student I took this past Saturday wrote the following things:
"Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to help volunteer at the Special Olympics. It was extremely fun."
"It didn't just make my day, it made my life."
"I really do think you inspire your students..."
"You really look out for your students..."
"You are the reason I want to teach...I want to make an impact on my students, and make them enjoy school. You have done that for me."
It is these types of things that keep us all coming back for more. As the old saying goes, "Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Being Grateful
I want to begin this blog by stating that in many ways I am writing this largely for myself, but decided to take the chance of letting others read it despite the embarrassment involved and the hell I'm likely to catch for some of it's admitted sappiness. Over the past 3 1/2 - 4 years I have been trying desperately to transform myself in every way possible in order to become the best version of myself. In many ways I have far exceeded any expectations I began with, while in other areas I continue to deal with my fair share of struggles and personal demons. If we are all honest with ourselves I think that a lot of people experience something similar to what I just described with varying results, successes and failures, and ups and downs. I think that what means the most however is that we each never give up on the process of trying to be the best person we can be. One area of my life I feel I have become much more successful at is being positive and thinking positive. While those of you that know me well and are reading this are probably laughing your ass off right now please allow me the chance to elaborate. For years I disguised, and not very well, my negative thoughts and cynicism with the phrase, "I'm not negative, I'm just being realistic". In fact, the only thing I was being realistic about was that I was only fooling myself. I have put in a lot of work over the past 2 months really getting myself in tune with positive thoughts, looking at the good side of things, and enjoying the journey of life...simply life itself.
One of the things that really helped me flip the script was to take stock of where my life is at this moment and to physically write down all the things, experiences, and people I have in my life for which I am so very, very, grateful. The idea being of course that the more one focuses his or her energy on all the positive things in their lives the more those positive things will replicate and continue within your life. You must understand that negativity and negative thinking only have the power in your life that you allow it to have. I'm no self help guru, but I know from personal experience that there is nothing truer than the two previous sentences. Below I have included some of those things, experiences, and people in my life for which I am so very appreciative. After reading my list I strongly encourage you to write your own. Despite the perceived 'hokeyness' of doing the activity, I think you'll amaze yourself with how it changes your perceptions. After all, reality is perception.
Things I'm thankful for:
My good health
My wonderful, and sometimes highly annoying, pets: Lu Lu, Callie, & Big Tuna.
My job(s).
My education.
My ability to make others laugh...it has come in handy during the best & worst of times.
My work ethic.
My honesty and loyalty to others(not sure I've always been as honest with myself as I should have been)
That I'm right handed.
That I'm tall..ish.
That I'm fairly well proportioned...meaning most people never believe how much I really weigh. :)
How I handle adversity.
...you get the idea of how this should go.
Experiences I'm thankful for:
My terrible childhood, because I wouldn't be who I am today without having gone through hell.
All the incredibly stupid decisions I have made in life for the same reason as above.
That I was able to attend my grandfather's funeral.
That I was able to see and speak with my Grandmother shortly before she passed.
That they were both able to see that I had turned my life around, was making something out of myself, and would have a good life.
Making my grandparents laugh.
My dad for taking/getting custody of me and my sister when we were young. It was bad, but could have been much worse.
My mom never wanting anything to do with me. It taught me early in life that I am how I perceive myself, and not how others perceive me.
Growing up poor, because it taught me to never take anything for granted. It also taught me early in life the senseless value that many people place on money.
Hanging out with my nephews any chance I get.
Every time I get to play basketball
That on one wonderful day at old Fort Pulaski an alligator was chilling by the moat.
...again you get the idea of how this should go.
People I'm thankful for:
My grandfather. Without his presence and support while growing up neither me or my sister would have survived intact.
My grandmother. I'm so much like her in so many ways that it's frightening.
All the really good friends I've had throughout my life. In more ways than one my friends were essentially my family growing up. All have helped me become the person I am today. I'll list a few and if you're not on the list it does not mean that you were any less important to me...I simply can't write all day.
Taco...yes we called him Taco. My very best bud growing up in Savannah, GA. Taco was a black kid. I was a white kid. It made no difference to us, because we instantly hit it off and were inseparable next door neighbors for the better part of 5 years. He taught me more about humor and race relations than anyone I've ever met since.
Fuzz...yes we call him Fuzz. We've known each other for over 25 years now, and long ago I quit referring to him as a friend. He is my brother.
Temple...yes his name was Temple. I write was because he unfortunately passed away in 1998. He was simply an awesome guy, great to hang out with, and had such a unique way about him that you couldn't help but to love him. I'll be forever grateful to Temple. His terribly sad and unexpected passing is the main reason I am here today as his passing led me to make decisions in life I would not have had the courage to make before he passed.
My father...for showing me all the ways not to be in life.
My mother...for continually avoiding contact with me. It made me tougher.
My sister. Without her around when I growing up I would have had no reason to try to keep it together. The responsibility to raise and take care of her outweighed my own concerns.
My nephews. They are both a lot like me which of course means they're awesome. I'm so thankful that they have gotten so many opportunities in life that I was never able to have and I'm incredibly proud of both of them.
My in-laws. Almost since day one they have accepted me as their own...well maybe not day one. The first time I met my father-in-law I was wearing 2 silver hoop earrings, and I don't think that went over well. All jokes aside they have been above and beyond anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. They showed me what it means to be in a family and part of a family. I hope they realize and understand the tremendous impact they have had in my life. I know I don't really do a good job of showing it. (I'll add that to my list of things to work on)
It seems like I'm forgetting someone...ah yes...the wifey. I intentionally saved this one for last because I'm not quite sure where to begin or end, so I'll just start and see what happens. Not really sure if anyone on planet earth could have ever imagined that we would have matched up at the times in our lives when we did, but I'm glad we did. Everything good and positive about my life over the past 12 years has been a direct result of her. Forgive the horrible cliche, but she has made me a much better man than I could have ever believed possible. I like to believe I helped her to achieve great things as well. I'm also grateful for her because where I am weak she is strong and vice versa. She continually pushes me to go further when I would have been content staying put which always works out for the best. She has provided the inspiration and courage to do things in my life that I would never have attempted were it not for her...I could go on and on, but I want to go ahead and stop before some of you actually throw up on your computers.
At any rate, if you find the time to sit down and compile a list such as the one I just did I can once again assure you that you'll not soon regret it. All the best and stay positive!
One of the things that really helped me flip the script was to take stock of where my life is at this moment and to physically write down all the things, experiences, and people I have in my life for which I am so very, very, grateful. The idea being of course that the more one focuses his or her energy on all the positive things in their lives the more those positive things will replicate and continue within your life. You must understand that negativity and negative thinking only have the power in your life that you allow it to have. I'm no self help guru, but I know from personal experience that there is nothing truer than the two previous sentences. Below I have included some of those things, experiences, and people in my life for which I am so very appreciative. After reading my list I strongly encourage you to write your own. Despite the perceived 'hokeyness' of doing the activity, I think you'll amaze yourself with how it changes your perceptions. After all, reality is perception.
Things I'm thankful for:
My good health
My wonderful, and sometimes highly annoying, pets: Lu Lu, Callie, & Big Tuna.
My job(s).
My education.
My ability to make others laugh...it has come in handy during the best & worst of times.
My work ethic.
My honesty and loyalty to others(not sure I've always been as honest with myself as I should have been)
That I'm right handed.
That I'm tall..ish.
That I'm fairly well proportioned...meaning most people never believe how much I really weigh. :)
How I handle adversity.
...you get the idea of how this should go.
Experiences I'm thankful for:
My terrible childhood, because I wouldn't be who I am today without having gone through hell.
All the incredibly stupid decisions I have made in life for the same reason as above.
That I was able to attend my grandfather's funeral.
That I was able to see and speak with my Grandmother shortly before she passed.
That they were both able to see that I had turned my life around, was making something out of myself, and would have a good life.
Making my grandparents laugh.
My dad for taking/getting custody of me and my sister when we were young. It was bad, but could have been much worse.
My mom never wanting anything to do with me. It taught me early in life that I am how I perceive myself, and not how others perceive me.
Growing up poor, because it taught me to never take anything for granted. It also taught me early in life the senseless value that many people place on money.
Hanging out with my nephews any chance I get.
Every time I get to play basketball
That on one wonderful day at old Fort Pulaski an alligator was chilling by the moat.
...again you get the idea of how this should go.
People I'm thankful for:
My grandfather. Without his presence and support while growing up neither me or my sister would have survived intact.
My grandmother. I'm so much like her in so many ways that it's frightening.
All the really good friends I've had throughout my life. In more ways than one my friends were essentially my family growing up. All have helped me become the person I am today. I'll list a few and if you're not on the list it does not mean that you were any less important to me...I simply can't write all day.
Taco...yes we called him Taco. My very best bud growing up in Savannah, GA. Taco was a black kid. I was a white kid. It made no difference to us, because we instantly hit it off and were inseparable next door neighbors for the better part of 5 years. He taught me more about humor and race relations than anyone I've ever met since.
Fuzz...yes we call him Fuzz. We've known each other for over 25 years now, and long ago I quit referring to him as a friend. He is my brother.
Temple...yes his name was Temple. I write was because he unfortunately passed away in 1998. He was simply an awesome guy, great to hang out with, and had such a unique way about him that you couldn't help but to love him. I'll be forever grateful to Temple. His terribly sad and unexpected passing is the main reason I am here today as his passing led me to make decisions in life I would not have had the courage to make before he passed.
My father...for showing me all the ways not to be in life.
My mother...for continually avoiding contact with me. It made me tougher.
My sister. Without her around when I growing up I would have had no reason to try to keep it together. The responsibility to raise and take care of her outweighed my own concerns.
My nephews. They are both a lot like me which of course means they're awesome. I'm so thankful that they have gotten so many opportunities in life that I was never able to have and I'm incredibly proud of both of them.
My in-laws. Almost since day one they have accepted me as their own...well maybe not day one. The first time I met my father-in-law I was wearing 2 silver hoop earrings, and I don't think that went over well. All jokes aside they have been above and beyond anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. They showed me what it means to be in a family and part of a family. I hope they realize and understand the tremendous impact they have had in my life. I know I don't really do a good job of showing it. (I'll add that to my list of things to work on)
It seems like I'm forgetting someone...ah yes...the wifey. I intentionally saved this one for last because I'm not quite sure where to begin or end, so I'll just start and see what happens. Not really sure if anyone on planet earth could have ever imagined that we would have matched up at the times in our lives when we did, but I'm glad we did. Everything good and positive about my life over the past 12 years has been a direct result of her. Forgive the horrible cliche, but she has made me a much better man than I could have ever believed possible. I like to believe I helped her to achieve great things as well. I'm also grateful for her because where I am weak she is strong and vice versa. She continually pushes me to go further when I would have been content staying put which always works out for the best. She has provided the inspiration and courage to do things in my life that I would never have attempted were it not for her...I could go on and on, but I want to go ahead and stop before some of you actually throw up on your computers.
At any rate, if you find the time to sit down and compile a list such as the one I just did I can once again assure you that you'll not soon regret it. All the best and stay positive!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The Magic Words
I once had several interesting discussions with a wise man some years ago...and I wasn't talking to myself. We discussed many topics during our conversations such as family drama, growing up, important decisions we all face in life, regrets...etc. Of all the things we talked about one topic, and one thing this man said to me, has really helped me enjoy aspects of my life that I had not previously. I would like to share parts of our conversation and the three key words he said to me that changed my life for the positive. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.
At some point in our many conversations we began discussing aspects of my personality, specifically things I previously referred to as pet peeves. The man I was speaking with called them quality of life destroyers! There is a huge difference in those two statements, so allow me to explain his reasoning. For as long as I can remember I've hated certain types of change. I intend to devote an upcoming blog on my life's struggle with dealing with change and what I feel is its origins, but for now just know that there was and continues to be some forms of change I'm simply not comfortable with. I feel I do my best and am most content when I have structured routines and habits. Things that disrupt my habits and daily routines used to really annoy me. Though I'm far from cured thanks to the 3 magic words I promised to share with you I have learned to deal much better with not only change, but life in general.
I hope at this point you just asked yourself, "So what are the 3 magic words!?". I can't reveal them yet, but rest assured they are not far away. For now here's 2 words for you, "keep reading". When asked for an example of how and/or why change bothers me I brought up the issue of travel. I love visiting new places, trying new foods, and learning about various cultures, but with that said I must also confess that before hearing and absorbing the 3 magic words I absolutely hated, dreaded, despised, and loathed the actual process of travel itself. From long drives in the car, waiting in never ending lines, traffic, packing and unpacking, and any of the other multitude of obstacles that come with flying. After hearing this the man replied, "How can you say you love travel when you hate doing all the things you just mentioned?". My reply was "Well...once I get there I'm great. I just hate getting there". Just as I rewrote those words I realize what a complete idiot I must have sounded like. I realize now that what I really disliked was how the act of traveling disrupted the habits and routines that I thrive in. Once at the destination I could unpack and fall back into my habits and routines.
The remainder of this post is a paraphrase of what he then said to me along with the 3 magic words. We each only get one shot at life. One of the very few things we actually have control over throughout our life times are the choices we each make. Our lives are made up of choices. We can choose to be miserable or happy. We can choose to be mean or nice. We can choose to turn left or right. You get the picture. The point is the one life that we're each given goes by so very fast, and so many of us choose to look at the negative instead of the positive. I used to look at nothing but the negative aspects of traveling, just as many of you out there may only look at the negatives of something in your own life. Instead of always thinking about the negative try this...choose to just... "enjoy the journey."
At some point in our many conversations we began discussing aspects of my personality, specifically things I previously referred to as pet peeves. The man I was speaking with called them quality of life destroyers! There is a huge difference in those two statements, so allow me to explain his reasoning. For as long as I can remember I've hated certain types of change. I intend to devote an upcoming blog on my life's struggle with dealing with change and what I feel is its origins, but for now just know that there was and continues to be some forms of change I'm simply not comfortable with. I feel I do my best and am most content when I have structured routines and habits. Things that disrupt my habits and daily routines used to really annoy me. Though I'm far from cured thanks to the 3 magic words I promised to share with you I have learned to deal much better with not only change, but life in general.
I hope at this point you just asked yourself, "So what are the 3 magic words!?". I can't reveal them yet, but rest assured they are not far away. For now here's 2 words for you, "keep reading". When asked for an example of how and/or why change bothers me I brought up the issue of travel. I love visiting new places, trying new foods, and learning about various cultures, but with that said I must also confess that before hearing and absorbing the 3 magic words I absolutely hated, dreaded, despised, and loathed the actual process of travel itself. From long drives in the car, waiting in never ending lines, traffic, packing and unpacking, and any of the other multitude of obstacles that come with flying. After hearing this the man replied, "How can you say you love travel when you hate doing all the things you just mentioned?". My reply was "Well...once I get there I'm great. I just hate getting there". Just as I rewrote those words I realize what a complete idiot I must have sounded like. I realize now that what I really disliked was how the act of traveling disrupted the habits and routines that I thrive in. Once at the destination I could unpack and fall back into my habits and routines.
The remainder of this post is a paraphrase of what he then said to me along with the 3 magic words. We each only get one shot at life. One of the very few things we actually have control over throughout our life times are the choices we each make. Our lives are made up of choices. We can choose to be miserable or happy. We can choose to be mean or nice. We can choose to turn left or right. You get the picture. The point is the one life that we're each given goes by so very fast, and so many of us choose to look at the negative instead of the positive. I used to look at nothing but the negative aspects of traveling, just as many of you out there may only look at the negatives of something in your own life. Instead of always thinking about the negative try this...choose to just... "enjoy the journey."
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Where's my $700,000?
Less
than a couple of months ago much of the United States and the world was
outraged that a 68 year old volunteer bus monitor was verbally abused and
ridiculed by a group of seventh grade students. While it is certainly a
deplorable act committed by these students the aftermath of the event and
overwhelming response of the public made me question some things. For
those not familiar with the story the verbal abuse suffered by the bus monitor
at the hands of the seventh grade students made national and world news when
cell phone recorded video of the incident became public. The bus monitor
was then flocked with an outpouring of condolences, well wishes, and...a LOT OF
MONEY from people all over the country and the world. How much money?
According to news reports I read just this morning she has now raked in
$703,873 and that figure continues to grow. More power to the bus
monitor, but the questions the event left me to ponder are...
Why
was the general public so shocked and disturbed that this occurred?
For those of you not familiar with what occurs daily in our
schools here's a newsflash:
TEACHERS, CUSTODIANS,
ADMINISTRATION, CAFETERIA STAFF, COACHES, AND SOME STUDENTS ARE VERBALLY ABUSED AND RIDICULED BY OTHER STUDENTS
NEARLY EVERYDAY!!
The days when all students, particularly at the middle
school level and beyond, were respectful to adults simply because
they're adults has long passed. It may be time for the general public to get a
clue.
As
a middle school teacher I have been cussed at and cussed out. I have been
made fun of by students, and I have even come darn close to being hit
by a student. My situation is not unique by any stretch of
the imagination as the vast majority of my co-workers have all experienced
similar happenings. It is precisely for these reasons that I am having such a
difficult time understanding what the public really thinks happens in schools.
Are they (the public) so disillusioned that they believe the event with the bus
monitor is an isolated incident? If so, then God help us all, because we are in
serious trouble!!
My take...I think deep down in their hearts the
general public knows full well what is occurring in our schools, but
they have previously felt helpless to try to change things. Just as teachers
have no real power in the classroom due to the far reaches of political
correctness and a plethora of frivolous lawsuits brought against
school boards across the country everyone has become paralyzed by fear. It is
in that very fear that the student's power to say, do, and get away with any
and everything at school flourishes. The students fully understand there is
nothing we (the teachers) can really do to punish them, so we have essentially
created an 'inmates run the institution' situation in public schools across America
Why the outrage for this particular event?
Obviously it was because this incident was
videotaped and played repeatedly across the world. Since this happened I have
many times wished that I had videotaped evidences of the many verbal assaults I
have been the victim of. I could certainly use hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Can the general public possibly be so naive about what occurs in
schools across this country day in and day out?
Yes. Yes they can!
Lastly, where is my outpouring of public support and financial compensation for the emotional and psychological suffering that I and so many other teachers like me have to deal with each and every day?
I guess that's for me to continue to ponder and the public and government to one day answer.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Signs You're Going to Have a Long School Year
Now that I have more than several years of teaching experience under my belt, I have figured out along the way some sure fire signs that all teachers can look for...signs that they are going to have a very long year. The vast majority of signs rear their ominous heads during the last couple days of August right before the school year is set to begin anew once again. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to have at least three of the following things occur during that time you will very likely have to tap into every ounce of stored optimism you have in order to survive the nine months that follow. If everything on the following list actually happens to you prior to the start of school...May. God. Have. Mercy. On. Your. Soul!
Signs You Are Going to Have a Long Year:
1) You get your class roster & whenever you see the student's teachers from the year before they do one
of 3 things... avoid direct eye contact with you, point at you and laugh hysterically, or help you find a
nice quiet place to cry.
2) You pull your student's cum folders and they are all 4 to 5 inches thick.
3) You have multiple students on probation.
4) No students or their parents make an appearance during open house.
5) If you do have students and parents show up to open house and the first thing the parent does is
whisper something like the following to you "Well look, let me tell you about Johnny".
6) The parents show up to open house wearing a muu-muu and house slippers...typically their hair will
appear to have been in a fight with a stick of dynamite and loss.
7) You ask a student a simple question at open house such as "What's your name?" and they respond,
while staring awkwardly at a spot on the wall "Huh?"
8) When the parent is filling out their contact information at open house their email is something
like...lilboomboombooty@ or makinitclap@ or ihatemychildsteacheralready@...
9) The parents look at your 'needed materials' list which consists of a composition book and a pencil as
if they are going to have to take out a second mortgage on their home in order to buy them.
10) The principal comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
11) The school resource officer comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
12) Your new student's various probation officers come to talk to you about your upcoming class
dynamics.
13) The school secretary calls you to the front office to let you know how many sick days you have
available in the coming year, and gives you the list of subs that will refuse to cover for the group of
students you're about to get.
14) You recieve a multitude of sympathy cards in your box prior to the start of the year.
Anyway, I hope by now you get the picture and know what to look for as we quickly approach the start of another new school year. I hope you enjoyed!!
Signs You Are Going to Have a Long Year:
1) You get your class roster & whenever you see the student's teachers from the year before they do one
of 3 things... avoid direct eye contact with you, point at you and laugh hysterically, or help you find a
nice quiet place to cry.
2) You pull your student's cum folders and they are all 4 to 5 inches thick.
3) You have multiple students on probation.
4) No students or their parents make an appearance during open house.
5) If you do have students and parents show up to open house and the first thing the parent does is
whisper something like the following to you "Well look, let me tell you about Johnny".
6) The parents show up to open house wearing a muu-muu and house slippers...typically their hair will
appear to have been in a fight with a stick of dynamite and loss.
7) You ask a student a simple question at open house such as "What's your name?" and they respond,
while staring awkwardly at a spot on the wall "Huh?"
8) When the parent is filling out their contact information at open house their email is something
like...lilboomboombooty@ or makinitclap@ or ihatemychildsteacheralready@...
9) The parents look at your 'needed materials' list which consists of a composition book and a pencil as
if they are going to have to take out a second mortgage on their home in order to buy them.
10) The principal comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
11) The school resource officer comes to talk to you about your upcoming class dynamics.
12) Your new student's various probation officers come to talk to you about your upcoming class
dynamics.
13) The school secretary calls you to the front office to let you know how many sick days you have
available in the coming year, and gives you the list of subs that will refuse to cover for the group of
students you're about to get.
14) You recieve a multitude of sympathy cards in your box prior to the start of the year.
Anyway, I hope by now you get the picture and know what to look for as we quickly approach the start of another new school year. I hope you enjoyed!!
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